White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
