My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
