you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
