When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize