she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
