i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
