How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
