So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
