Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
