Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
