someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dick very happy bro
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
