Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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