I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
