You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
