You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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