if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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