you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
