making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize