I am puke
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
