And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
