We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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