My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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