First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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