I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
