her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
