Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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