My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
