...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
