shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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