Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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