My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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