i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
