Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
