I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
