I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
