and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
