He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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