so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
