Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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