hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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