fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
