he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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