I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
