My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize