hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
