don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
