youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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