Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
