By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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