YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
