in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
