she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
