I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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