were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
