I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize