you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
