I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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