he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
