Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
