That's intense
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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