mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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