did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
