There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize