I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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