this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
