U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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