Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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