hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
