he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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