And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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