Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
