bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
