You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
