tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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