all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We left the knife in your bed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
