dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
