i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
