I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
