I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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