If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
