We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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