Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
