If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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