Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
