the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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