i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
