Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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