Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
