I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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