Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
