I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
