elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When are your genitals available?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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