It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
