Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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