im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
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