you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
