next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
