FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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