Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
