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That's how twitter works, right?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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