Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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